hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Your cock deserves a montage
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
