I feel great
I just peed on a car
ugly people sure do ruin things
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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