So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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