if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
