if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
