brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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