So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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