My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
