Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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