$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
People in love make me want to vomit
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
