i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
that's an acceptable place to lick
this boner is exhausting
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
