just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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