I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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