so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
