i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
