why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
