it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
