12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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