I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
