I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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