This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
