If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
