My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize