we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
