Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
