tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Actions speak louder than pants.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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