Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
