Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
