saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
