____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
