My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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