I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
