Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize