I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Still dying that you shit outside
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
