my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
