thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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