The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I could make wine with my vomit
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
