I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
