Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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