If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize