A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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