I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
