38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
