1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
