I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize