He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
