I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize