I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize