Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize