i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize