I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
ugly people sure do ruin things
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
