He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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