What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
