I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
