Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
