It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
should my penis look like a turkey
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
