I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
