I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
