we're blogging at a bar
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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