1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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