i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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