I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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