He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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