Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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