how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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