They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
