Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize