just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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