If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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