So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
