I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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